Moving In Together: Managing Expectations

Whether you are recently married or are taking the next step to live together, it is important to manage expectations.  One of the most vital ways to overcome this is through communication.  In a recent episode of The Good Doctor, Shaun and Lea had an argument about how the toilet paper should be placed on the holder.  Even though this may seem like a small disagreement that can be easily overcome, it can lead to more serious issues that when not dealt with can lead to marital distress.

The Issue

When you decide to move in together, you will have to deal with each other’s “quirks”.  To some, these quirks can seem petty while others may see them in as major issues.  When they arise, it is important to communicate with each other about how these make you feel.  Once this happens the next step is to find a compromise.  Compromise is not about being right, it is about finding an acceptable solution to both of you.  Being right can often lead to even more issues.  A marriage counselor once said, “Is this really that important; is this the hill you really want to die on”.

Being Right

Compromise is a funny thing.  When we learn to compromise on the “small things” it prepares us for how to deal with the “big stuff”.  IT is almost inevitable that large issues will arise at some point.  Without learning how to reach a middle ground on small issues, will you really have the skills to deal with those big issues?  These small issues are a part of the process.  

In the end, does it really matter which way the toilet paper is hung on the holder?  Is this really the hill you want to die on?  Is it going to cost someone great harm if it’s not the way you think it should be?  Be creative in your compromise.  Is there another option?  Sometimes, the compromise may look different than the obvious options.

The Compromise

Compromise is all about COMMUNICATION.  It is important to learn each other’s boundaries no matter how large or small they may be.  Effective communication can help to alleviate most issues.  While it can seem silly to sit down and talk about the toilet paper should be placed in the bathroom, remember this is teaching us how to handle the bigger things.  You will be thankful for these small compromises when the big issues arise.